Life is the most peculiar phenomenon; why do we exist? We've been studying genes etc in Biology and some scientists define life as being a means of 'reproduction'. Perhaps a really pessimistic way of looking at life. I'm not religious, I don't believe in a God/s, I don't believe in fate, or destiny- but I DO believe in opportunity.
I think people's interpretations on life are interesting; here's some I've pinched from the net...
To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. ~Emily Dickinson
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot. ~Ashleigh Brilliant
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. ~Danny Kaye
Human life is purely a matter of deciding what's important to you. ~Anonymous
These questions have been prevalent in my mind a lot, since starting my A-levels. My passions have been refined and I really am enjoying school. Although, whilst I enjoy it and I know that if I work hard, I will reap the rewards, there are so many days when I just want to sit back and enjoy the world. To push every little problem that floats around inside my skull and just let the slide away, put my folders to one side and just have a bit of fun. But then you are made to feel guilty "Oh you won't pass with that attitude..." but can we not take some time to ourselves. There are those moments, and I've only had a handful, where life takes your breath away, and they usually are the simplest of things. For me, my proudest moment will always be taking Shadow out for his first ride and leading the other horses home. This whole process is the norm for me; yet the sense of achievement is overwhelming and I got to appreciate the moment and in someways, the moment has never left me. It's become a part of me because it has defined who I am just that little bit more. Because it is THESE moments which shape us into who we are, and carves our individuality.
Some view life as a big test- and at the end, our prize is dying. A totally realistic way of looking at it, albeit totally pessimistic. Life is a big test, and we forget that amongst what are in comparsion 'small tests', when we compare them to life. We can't prepare ourselves for what life throws us at; who we encounter; what we encounter- what we can control is how we deal with it. We can deal with things in so many ways. We can give up and turn around; we can cheat; we can ignore them or we simply deal with it. My mind seems to be set with the latter- I deal with problems head on, but sometimes this 110% positive attitude can have it's impacts, because years and years of dealing and ignoring problems builds up and you feel in a bizarre way, oppressed by your own thoughts, because it's the one thing you can never really escape. It's incoherent and it fluctuates and there isn't much structure to it. I think this is my problem, is that I'm far too inarticulate and far to incoherent- everything is scattered all over the place, literally and metaphorically! The problems we face build up and when they do, they reach a certain level when enough is enough and you explode- scattering everything else even further and then we're backed to the beginning again, trying to pull everything back together, but like a broken glass, it can never truly be fixed, because it's the tiny bits which are too small to see that we forget to pick up and stick back together, but even these tiny parts, can impact the structure of something so powerful like the mind.
We value other people's interpretations on ourselves so much; especially at this horrible secondary school age. Everyone wants to be popular. It seems to be this dog eat dog world, where girls compete to see who can show the most clevage in a photo (and aptly missing out half their face, sort of emphasising that the purpose of the photo is purely for the male population), and that's fine if that is what you want to do. But I can't help but feel you are living a life for someone else. It's a lesson I've learned far too well and probably will encounter again and it isn't until I reflect back in hindsight and see 'ah yeah, that's where I went wrong.' It's really late and I'm quite tired now, but want to continue to pour these thoughts out my head or else I won't sleep much anyway! But I feel hurt by most people. There are probably 3-4 people who I could really trust, or turn to, and even still, I'm still a little hasty. People seem to hurt one another and then excuse their behaviour with their personal problems. One thing which gets me, is this constant attention seeking game which prevails throughout the internet and pretty much anywhere, the whole 'Oh woe is me', well get a grip Romeo! We all have our own personal problems, some worse than others but equally they're problems. How we deal with them brings us back to hitting obstacles. It's a lesson I've been learning at school, especially in Spanish. I've perhaps over-estimated, and over-boasted my abilities in the subject. I'm perhaps faaar too passionate about it, but actually quite arrogant. I want to study it at University and suddenly I feel I'm in a 3 horse race with 2 others. My essays in Spanish haven't been quite up to standard, and although I'm slowly improving, my grades aren't perhaps quite what I'd like and I must be honest I felt like crying. Walking out of school is a dangerous thing to me, being the loner I am, I usually walk out on my own and this is usually the time where I reflect upon my day and I was sulking because of my grade. It wasn't even that bad, but it didn't meet my aspirations anyway. I decided walkinmg out of school that I was going to not study Spanish, and I was useless and shit and never going to get better- well no I won't. Not with that attitude! It hit me that night how silly I was being and I spent a long time reviewing notes, making sure that I was confident and prepared for the grammar test. With a pinch of confidence (dropped the arrogance), and lots of prep, I managed to pull off full marks! I was really, really pleased as it was a personal best and it's made me feel more positive; but I still need to crack the essay, so Christmas holidays is to be spent working on exam technique. Sad, perhaps yes and perhaps contradicting everything else I've talked about, but I am living to enjoy a subject, well no it's not a subject, it truly is a passion.
Life billions and trillions of organisms made up of billions and trillions of cells, which contain genes, DNA and the formula for life, whilst our genetic identities are similar, they cannot formulate the path which we choose, that's something more special which is another one of the beautiful paradoxes of life, which it hides from us. Perhaps some things are better unknown...
"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."
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